bspoke

Before I made the jump to fulltime freelancer, I used to picture what my life would be like if or when I was working from home, making my own schedule and chasing down my own goals. I had a beautiful, ideal picture of the way my days would go, that included a spotless house, energetic, early morning exercise, productive workdays, and relaxed afternoons spent in the garden or working on a house project. Not that my expectations were totally out of line–they were simply a bit sugar-coated. Of course it’s unrealistic to assume that a new job will make your entire life perfect. Case in point, my house is probably messier now than it ever has been. (I still haven’t figured out why this is, but I’m working on it.)

It hasn’t been quite a month, so I’m a complete newbie when it comes to this whole fulltime freelancing/working from home thing. However, I’ve learned a few things along the way, partly from my own limited experience, and partly from the advice of others who have been doing this for awhile. Here are my thoughts in a nutshell (or maybe a bucket).

First off, let there be no doubt, I absolutely love my “new reality”. It’s hard to describe the profound thrill I get every time I realize that this is my new life, that I no longer answer to a boss, have to request days off, or need to squeeze business tasks into weekday evenings. I love the freedom I have each day. I love deciding how my hours will be spent, and working hard on something I am truly passionate about. I love knocking off early, and spending Friday afternoons with my husband, doing whatever we please. I love knowing that all my efforts are leading to something bigger, and that the decisions I make and tasks I accomplish today will impact me tomorrow, and in years to come. It’s exciting, freeing, fulfilling, and… terrifying.

The flip side of the coin is that all this freedom requires a tremendous amount of discipline and drive. I remember telling my husband, months ago, that if I were ever to quit my job and work fulltime from home, I would struggle more with workaholism than I would with laziness. I was homeschooled, and I think I learned allot about discipline during those years. I’m self-motivated, and it’s easy for me to stay focused on the tasks at hand. What I struggle with is telling myself it’s okay to enjoy lunch with a friend, quit early for the day, or take a long weekend. My father instilled in me a very strong work ethic, and I am so grateful. However, I also have his tendency to never stop moving and going. I put pressure on myself to make this business a success, bring in a supplemental income for our household, and use my time wisely.

With all that being said, I am still utterly content in this place, as I learn to balance work, home, and my own personality. I learned a long time ago that life is not on the horizon, in the “someday”, or around the bend. It is right now; here today, in this very moment. So, I take the profound and thrilling sense of freedom I get from this experience, and put in next to my own fears of working too much or not enough, of failing or falling, and I charge forward into today. Because, after all, today is all I have. Tomorrow is no guarantee. I want the things I do today to matter, right now, and in ten years. So I set out to accomplish tasks that will take me somewhere, and at the same time, try to make time for the small, seemingly insignificant moments that really matter. Because isn’t life really about this balance of big and small, important and simple, future and present? Therein lies the crux.

Before I go on much longer, or get any more deeply introspective, I think I’ll wrap this up. However, I’ll be back again soon, because I want to keep this conversation open. I have more to share about setting goals, as well as a handful of practical pieces of advice on daily work habits, routines, and the like. If you have specific questions for me, feel free to ask, and I’ll do my best to answer. Stay tuned, my dears!

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Dreaming big comes naturally to most humans. Don’t believe me? Look around at 3, 4 and 5 year old children. Unfettered by concerns, they proudly boast that someday they will fly to the moon, be a princess or a famous singer or a marine biologist. In their minds, there is no possible deterrent that could ever prevent them from reaching their dreams. Unmarked by the cynicism that seems to slowly creep into our souls as we age, they don’t give thought to the hurdles and roadblocks that could stand between them and their profession of choice. They are little big dreamers.

At some point, something happens. Peer pressure or the ropes of reality begin to sink in, and these dreams lose their vivid, tangible power. By the time high school is over, most of us are solely concerned with being cool and getting through our first semester of college. We don’t have the time or energy or dedication to run after the wild, rebel dreams of our youth. Instead, we settle in, and follow the same course as our parents or friends. It’s predictable, albeit a bit boring, but we’re living the American dream, right!? Forget that our own personal dreams are dying with each step towards the house in the suburbs and the stable, satisfied life.

Growing up, I had parents who bucked the norm, and led unusual lives. They’ve never had that house in the suburbs, or worked a 9 to 5 job. Their passions have always fueled their professions. My dad, especially, was a dream-chaser. He set goals, and accomplished them. Over and over again, I watched him build a vision, and then tackle every molehill and mountain in his path until that vision was complete, or the finish line crossed. These examples were, in many ways, the foundation for the life I am living now.

A few months before I got married, I read a book called A Trip to the Beach by Melinda and Robert Blanchard. I read this book mostly because it was set on the island of Anguilla, where I would be honeymooning. What I didn’t expect to find was an usual story about a couple who set out to build a new life, leaving behind everything they knew in favor of an adventure that would change their lives forever. Today the Blanchard’s own and operate a restaurant on Meads Bay in Anguilla. It is hailed as one of the best in the Caribbean. After reading their story, I picked up another one of their books, called Live what You Love: notes from an unusual life. It’s a small book, filled with profound advice and a challenge to lead a passionate life, even if it means making unusual choices along the way. I’ve never forgotten the Blanchard’s story, or their little book filled with big ideas. The concept of passionately chasing your dreams has stuck with me, through years of sitting at a desk, watching the clock and wishing for a life I didn’t yet have.

As I’ve shared before, I have dreamed of being a freelance designer and running my own business from home for years. It’s been my goal since high school. Getting here wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen by accident. I planned, and worked hard, and when circumstances beyond my control stood in the way of my dreams, I waited and prayed and kept on working hard. I kept my eyes on the prize, with unwavering dedication, taking baby steps along the way towards a dot on the horizon that sometimes seemed like it would never get closer. I also was, and am, willing to make sacrifices in order to live my dream. I realize that taking this plunge means making a financial sacrifice, as we give up fancy vacations or lots of little extras. However, those things just aren’t as important to me as following a path that brings contentment and fulfillment. I’m willing to live with less, when it means I can be here, doing what I want.

Now, instead of going headlong into more details and pieces of advice on how you too can live your dreams, I want to pause. I want to end this post with a few questions for you. Take time to think them through, and answer them honestly. Set aside preconceived notions, or ideals, or any roadblocks that you think might be in your way. Just answer honestly. And if you don’t have answers, take time to let the questions settle in your soul until something awakens within you. You don’t have to give your answers here, but you are most welcome to. I sometimes find that sharing dreams with others makes them more real, and tactile, and perhaps even more doable.

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What did you dream of as a child?
If you could be or do anything (ANYTHING), what would it be?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
If you could pursue any hobby, what would it be?

What does the life of your dreams look like?

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I took this picture on Saturday while we were fishing. This sweet little bird had made a home in the top of one of the many tree stumps emerging from the lake. She watched warily as we approached, but showed no fear as I leaned in for a few pictures. She was tiny, about the size of my fist, and her nest was beautifully crafted with twigs and berries and bits of fluff. Watching this little creature, so full of calm in the midst of what could seem like a threatening situation to a little birdy made me think of a verse in the Bible.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to to his life?
Matthew 6:25

Some days, I find myself so caught up in those worries, the little ones. I fret about our finances, or stress about being in style. But a single glance at a bird of the air, reminds me that life really is about more than food and clothing. At the end of the day, my heavenly Father has cared for me and blessed me beyond compare. I have a warm, lovely home and food on the table and so much more. Worrying cannot add to my life, but instead only detracts from the blessings that are right in front of me. Next time you see a bird, remember, your heavenly Father cares for all the birds of the air, you are worth so much more to Him!

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When I was a child, I loved to make believe. I would pretend I was Laura Ingalls Wilder, living out my own Little House on the Prairie. Every day was a new adventure, as my imagination took flight. These days, thankfully, the consistency of my dreams has changed quite a bit. I no longer wistfully walk my bike along the driveway, pretending it’s a horse as I lovingly pat the handlebars.

Although my mid-twenties are here and on their way out, somehow, I don’t feel like I have yet arrived at adulthood. Thus, dreams of what I will be when I grow up permeate my thoughts, as if the reality of what my life is now has no consequence upon where I will be in a year, or in five or ten. Truth be told, my life today is, in many ways, a small culmination of many “dreams come true”. I used to wish I was older, wish I was done with school and working as a designer, wish I was married, wish I had a cozy little home. And now, here I am, a designer, thrilled to be alive, with a family who loves me, a wonderful husband who is my best friend, and a snug little cottage that I adore.

Yet, I still dream. I like to think that these dreams take on a life of their own, and work themselves into goals. Since I am a very goal-oriented person, I don’t think it’s all bad to have lofty dreams to work towards. My dreams for tomorrow fuel me today. As I work on projects, or plan for the future of my career, I allow my dreams to weave themselves into the fabric of my plans for each day.

Lately, I have been dreaming about having a summer cabin up north, where I could bring my kids someday so they can make some of the same memories that my husband and I made growing up in northern Minnesota. I want them to fearlessly explore the woods, do cannon-balls off the dock, bait their own hooks and reel in a giant northern. I want them to play outside while the sun sets and the stars start to twinkle in the night sky. I want them to have memories of falling asleep to the sound of a loon call, and waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking, knowing that a whole day of unhurried, yet-to-be-discovered adventure lays ahead of them. I picture a cozy little cabin on a lake, nothing too fancy, with bunk beds for the kids and big windows that let the outside in. I live in this daydream… turning it over in my head and almost smelling the crisp scent of the pine forest, almost feeling the warm wood of the dock and the cold surge of the lake water upon diving in, almost tasting the fresh-caught fish dinners and fire-roasted s’mores. I think to myself that this is possible, that somehow, someday, this little dream could come true. And even if it doesn’t, I find myself grateful that I was able to already live it once, in my own childhood.

Now I must ask, do you dream? Are there lofty goals or visions in your head that you wish for with all your might? If so, please comment! Dreams are wonderful, but all the more rich and beautiful when shared.

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